The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
