i wish starbucks made bloody marys
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
