My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
And then he peed in my hair
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