i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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