Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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