he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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