i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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