Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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