She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
