Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
