I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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