so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
