what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
