It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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