Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
