My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
