Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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