She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
