im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
