I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
