its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
