How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
