Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
