I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
