is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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