best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
