there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
