ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
