If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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