....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
