she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
