in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
