***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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