we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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