direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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