Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
