So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
