We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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