tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
