Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
