We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Im part way to drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
