Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm passing your future prison.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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