Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
