Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
