yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
