I wish I could punch you in the face.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
