There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
