so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
