Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
