could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
