i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
