I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
