Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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