From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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