But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
