What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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