just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
