I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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