he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
