I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
