no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
two words: eviction party
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
