so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
