he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
