the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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