Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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