The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
