my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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