who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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