so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
