You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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