I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
