well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize