apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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