I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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