Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
