Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
