I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
