omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You dont lie about slip and slides
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Randomize
