You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
