finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize