I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
