I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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