I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm so fucking centered right now
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
