Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
