saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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