Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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