How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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