Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize