batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
