Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
