is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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