he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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