dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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