nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
