How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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