glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
