Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you would pick up someone in the library
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
