omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
