you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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