the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
