but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
