i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
