I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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